It hurts now that its real...I will let go and Let God because he knows best

Last night my boyfriend release me from my duties of being his girlfriend. How I handle this matter was mature as woman. No voices were raised and we talked it over as adults. Its funny to me how something so heart breaking can make me stronger. God has been preparing my heart for this for some weeks. Sometimes things happen beyond my control and I know that I surrendered my life to Christ a long time ago and I will continue to seek God first.  Because regards of how I feel about my boyfriend I will be single, I will remain Syreeta and continue to push forward. I will hold on to what God has promised me and how I know what know comes from God. Tears may flow questions my raise the fact will remain the same I am Syreeta a woman with head on shoulders a woman of God with intelligence to understands  that I deserve better  and will have better. I am a good woman and a there is a hope and I have Faith stronger than a mustard seed that lets me know that this single life is temporary. The man that God is sending my way is near and I will continue to remain focus on me. God knows my true heart and how I feel about the man who sat me down last night and He also knows I am His child and I know am worth more than Gold... So today I will not talk about what has happen yesterday instead i will move forward to what God has plan and for now it for me to single in this world. Even if that's not what I want I will be patience and let go, let God.

Can't Sleep...Letting it out of my head into writting

Right now I can't sleep and I have no one to talk to. So Tonight I will type whats on my mind until my eyes get heavy. I am tired but I have a lot of things on my mind and I really don't know where to start. Well lets start with the fact I am a woman who loves hard and sensitive too, wear her heart on her sleeve. I am also passionate others call it dramatic. I am who I am but I feel that I have to learn how to know when to be dramatic. I feel that I am a open book, sometimes I need to hold back on what I tell people because it seem to hurt me in the long run. I Love sharing with other so that it may help others with my life stories but for some reason its becoming a issues for me. I feel myself struggling to understand why a person like myself can feel so alone in a room full of people. What does that mean, you ask? It means sometimes I am talking but I don't feel no one is listening. Some say its because I am a talker and others just say I am listening in reality they are not. I feel unheard. For example I have talked to people but no one knows Ive been in pain for weeks and I hurting because I had a big disagreement with my boyfriend. Now my Christian friends and family would say well Syreeta your a woman of God therefore you could never feel alone because is with you. When I say I am lone its the fact that I like having conversations and I want be able to open about who I am passionate lovable bubbly Syreeta. I Love fellowship with others. A wise person told me not to waste time and live life to the fullest and for I have lived but I have done what i want to do for so long and now I want to be the woman a man can't live without and wants in their life. I know that I am over the top sometimes but I also know that I can learn from my mistakes to learn to be less quick with the tongue because has not create a fool. I am woman with noble character and with the belief, Faith stronger than mustard seed. I can and I will be able to have a stable relationship with a man. Regards of the generations before me. Its sadden me that people who are close to me don't the change the Lord has laid on my heart. I am really checking myself at the door and letting down my guard down allowing God to have all of me. Now does it hurt that I Love people and they don't seem to get that I too like to be left alone and as much like to be hugged, cuddle there time in which I want to be left alone as well. I have always said I will be open in my relationship. Like now I do not know what will happen next in my life but I will continue to hold my head up high and know I am doing my best to be the Best Syreeta I can be. Do I really believe God will give me my hearts desire? Yes, I may not understand why its taking so long but I do know God knows whats best for me. He is preparing me in the process. God knows my true heart and how,what I need in this life. I just have  to stand strong in the Spirit. OK I'm sleepy and I missed my boyfriend I praying for forgiveness of the heart and for him to let go and Love as God has call him to. I pray God will open the door to his heart that he doesn't shut me out. Through the Blood of Jesus we work together to be the best couple God has placed together, In Jesus mighty Name Amen

Spirit pulling

Lately i have been feeling my spirit being pulled in different directions. I sometimes wonder why but I starting to see that I am God child and no one else and I have to carry, present myself as such. Now more than ever I am seeing my faults and sins, I have presented them to God and I having to press forward and leave behind past hurts and desires and people. I have to do what God is calling me to be and nothing less. I have been struggling because I took on the things I didn't have for myself instead relying what my Father has call me. Wanting things I have seen in a vision to be as I want them and I am learning just because God has shown me the pieces of my life that is what it is pieces of my life. I have to hold on to what He has promise and allow the pieces to come together. I filled with things people of around don't know about and its time for me show the goodness that God has placed on my heart and I have to leave the old me behind and continuing to move to what God has promised me. In much of my life I have struggle and now I am seeing myself as wonderful beautiful woman of God and success profession. I feel that I understanding I called to be Strong and strengthen by his Word. I am truly thankful for what God is doing in my life its overflowing and as I change for God I letting my guard down for something and building a foundation for the things to come. I so happy to have God Grace over me filling me where I am empty and when I am weak He holds me close. I am His and He is mine. I Love the Lord and he loves me no matter what.

Only through the blood can you have true Peace

One day i will be able to write a book a book the Love God is/ has been showing but for now here is where I write. Nothing holding me back today. I wrote last time about new Love I have for a man I need it to be clear I Love my God, Jesus, Holy spirit more. I realize that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I let things out that should be withheld at time but I Love hard and big. Its want of the things that makes me Syreeta because its not just with the Love I share with my boyfriend it is the Love I share with my family and friends. With that being said i am truly happy to have God in the center of things so when I have Good day I send praises and when times are rough I seek His Face. For a well I have now I have been toughing with hurt from people and haven't been able to have Peace. I tell you today that I have Peace and this Peace comes only from God. Through the blood I have been restored and I am made new. I end with the Word of God this morning pressing on my heart, mind, and this I share John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you,My peace I give to you; not as the gives to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." I feel in my spirit that these words are not just meant for me today this is also made for  you. Let it God and Let God direct your steps. Through the blood of Jesus , Amen

Lots of things happening all at once

A lot has happen since blog in December. I have all of sudden been having medical issues. Its a long story but I had to move. Now I am some one's girlfriend this too has a long story. And today I just want to get back into the swing writing on a blog and express myself and vent about my day. So here I go......

This morning I had a interesting debate over what I should wear to my cousin's wedding. It was between a blue white black dress and a fire red dress. My loving boyfriend said I might be called a cup of red Kool aid. so I post on facebook that I didn't know what to wear and posted the pictures and got the reviews. It was nice to see the response I got. Now as for me I was confused because I like both dresses.

By noon I narrowed it down with my sister on the phone in San Diego. She has a way to get me to make a choice when I have been struggling with sometimes. Not because I cant its because i really don't like doing things wrong, now I am learning to take the bitter with the sweet as they say. i really having deal with things a woman strong independent with God in the center of it all. Peeps I serious have things happen that never thought would happen some good and some bad.

The good what i focus on the most because focusing on negative usually produces negative. So because of God and the positive thinking I have seen my dreams come true. I got a promotion in March and became the Mental Health Coordinator ( management position in Early education) Its a dream job for me I actually helping children and families more than before. I am still excited and its been two months since I started.

Another Good thing is my new man in my life I truly believe God has sent to me to Love me and to remain me of the reality whats going on. One of my friend's referred to us as peanut butter and jelly. when i asked her why she thought we just fit. I too believe we balance each other out I keep reflecting over the last three months we have been together I learned a lot about myself as woman. God has a funny way of placing people who Love you for who you are and tell you the truth and that my Maurice.

Well if you want to know I chose to wear the black, blue and white dress. And sure enough with not wearing the dress today I received a message about not choosing the red dress because I would look like the Kool aid man. Well I guess they will be call me Diva Kool aid soon because the next time I go out with my girls I will be having the red dress on. Plus the wedding was beautiful. I am so happy for my cousins.

All this being said my Faith is made strong from life's battles and I know God makes the impossible possible. I know more than ever now that my God truly loves me and has purpose for me to be here and God spared my life in January and numerous other times this year. Therefore I know He will not let me go and for that I am truly grateful.

I am exhausted . Praying soon I will have my own personal computer then I will blog more.

Goodnight
Sweet dreams