Thursday, June 16, 2011

Can't Sleep...Letting it out of my head into writting

Right now I can't sleep and I have no one to talk to. So Tonight I will type whats on my mind until my eyes get heavy. I am tired but I have a lot of things on my mind and I really don't know where to start. Well lets start with the fact I am a woman who loves hard and sensitive too, wear her heart on her sleeve. I am also passionate others call it dramatic. I am who I am but I feel that I have to learn how to know when to be dramatic. I feel that I am a open book, sometimes I need to hold back on what I tell people because it seem to hurt me in the long run. I Love sharing with other so that it may help others with my life stories but for some reason its becoming a issues for me. I feel myself struggling to understand why a person like myself can feel so alone in a room full of people. What does that mean, you ask? It means sometimes I am talking but I don't feel no one is listening. Some say its because I am a talker and others just say I am listening in reality they are not. I feel unheard. For example I have talked to people but no one knows Ive been in pain for weeks and I hurting because I had a big disagreement with my boyfriend. Now my Christian friends and family would say well Syreeta your a woman of God therefore you could never feel alone because is with you. When I say I am lone its the fact that I like having conversations and I want be able to open about who I am passionate lovable bubbly Syreeta. I Love fellowship with others. A wise person told me not to waste time and live life to the fullest and for I have lived but I have done what i want to do for so long and now I want to be the woman a man can't live without and wants in their life. I know that I am over the top sometimes but I also know that I can learn from my mistakes to learn to be less quick with the tongue because has not create a fool. I am woman with noble character and with the belief, Faith stronger than mustard seed. I can and I will be able to have a stable relationship with a man. Regards of the generations before me. Its sadden me that people who are close to me don't the change the Lord has laid on my heart. I am really checking myself at the door and letting down my guard down allowing God to have all of me. Now does it hurt that I Love people and they don't seem to get that I too like to be left alone and as much like to be hugged, cuddle there time in which I want to be left alone as well. I have always said I will be open in my relationship. Like now I do not know what will happen next in my life but I will continue to hold my head up high and know I am doing my best to be the Best Syreeta I can be. Do I really believe God will give me my hearts desire? Yes, I may not understand why its taking so long but I do know God knows whats best for me. He is preparing me in the process. God knows my true heart and how,what I need in this life. I just have  to stand strong in the Spirit. OK I'm sleepy and I missed my boyfriend I praying for forgiveness of the heart and for him to let go and Love as God has call him to. I pray God will open the door to his heart that he doesn't shut me out. Through the Blood of Jesus we work together to be the best couple God has placed together, In Jesus mighty Name Amen

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